It's not always what happens in your life that matters, but how your mind interprets it at the time. The disappointment you experience and the negative emotions that come with it are completely natural, whether it's because of the date who canceled on you at the last minute or the employer that rejected your application. These concepts pile up in the back of your mind and present themselves in the form of toxic thoughts, which can be quite overwhelming unless you find a way to transform them. To help you do this, we've consulted experienced therapists and gathered advice to help you replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. We won't lie—it won't always be easy, but it's completely worth it as by transforming your negative thoughts, you'll massively transform your everyday life.

How to transform your toxic thoughts?

Social anxiety, melancholy, stress, and low self-esteem can all be caused by your negative thoughts. Understanding how you think currently (and the difficulties that arise from that) is the key to transforming your negative thoughts. From there, you can easily apply tactics to change or reduce their impact.

Our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are all intertwined, which means that how we think dramatically influences how we feel and act. So, while we all have unhelpful thoughts from time to time, it's critical to know what to do with them so that they don't take over our day. You can always count on help from experienced counselors, but we strongly encourage you to learn how to modify your thought patterns on your own, too. Here are six ways to help you do so.

#1 It starts with mindfulness and self-awareness

Meditation is where mindfulness began. It is the act of separating oneself from your ideas and emotions so you can observe and analyze them objectively. The goal of mindfulness is to alter your connection with your toxic thoughts and help you transform them.

Think of yourself as a factory and consider your thoughts and feelings as products passing by you on a moving belt. You have the power to decide which product (your toxic thought) to stop and examine or let pass you by. Allowing the reasoning half of your brain to take control of your emotional reactions to situations is the goal of mindfulness.

It's been suggested that practicing mindfulness can help people use their ideas more adaptively. According to one study, people who practiced mindfulness had fewer toxic thoughts after being exposed to negative imagery. This implies that mindfulness can reduce the harmful effects of negative thinking.

#2 Identify your toxic thoughts

You can't start transforming your toxic thoughts unless you first identify them. The following are some examples of toxic thought patterns:

• Making negative assumptions about what others are thinking or about how certain events will unfold.
• Expecting the worst-case scenario will occur without considering more likely and realistic alternatives.
• Thinking highlighted by "should" statements contributes to a pessimistic outlook as they are solely focused on what you "ought" to be doing or what "ought" to happen. Such remarks are frequently unrealistic, leading to feelings of failure and pessimism about one's potential to succeed.
• Always taking things too personally, even when they absolutely aren't. It frequently leads to people blaming themselves for matters over which they have no control or have nothing to do with them.

There are subtle differences in unhelpful thought processes. However, they all involve reality distortions and unreasonable approaches to circumstances and people. Now that you've noticed the thought, you can recognize it as harmful thinking. Thus, the next time it pops into your head, you'll be able to acknowledge it and instantly start working on transforming it.

#3 Avoid toxic thought-stopping

If you want to take the path of mindfulness, you need to keep yourself from thought-stopping as it's the polar opposite of it. Think about it—there's nothing mindful about constantly scanning for negative ideas and trying to completely banish them.

The biggest issue with trying to fully stop your negative thoughts is that the more you try to stop them from coming up, the more they will show. This phenomenon is known as the thought rebounding, and it can be pretty harmful. Mindfulness is a better way to go since it gives your thoughts less weight and lessens their influence on you. 

#4 Remember that you are your own friend and not the enemy

We live in a society where we're all victims of our own minds, and we're being too harsh on ourselves. In fact, self-talk is, in 90% of cases, negative. Therefore, you need to make sure to replace this pattern, and here's how to do it in three simple steps:

1. Let it go and don't linger but allow it to flow to aid your healing process.
2. Keep an eye on it and make an effort to recognize when you are having negative thoughts. You can only reframe your thoughts if you're aware of the situation.
3. Try to reframe the situation. For instance, consider what your best friend would say to you once you've figured out why you're being cruel. Then say what you need to hear to yourself.
   
   

#5 Keep a thought diary

Thought diaries, also known as thought records, are a very useful tool for transforming your toxic thoughts. In fact, many mental health professionals use them as a part of their therapy process. Thought journals can help you recognize negative thinking patterns and get a better understanding of how your thoughts influence your emotional responses.

A thought diary post, for example, might break down a person's thought process while on a date, as well as the emotional and physical reactions that follow from unfavorable thinking patterns. You can replace irrational beliefs about rejection with more useful and constructive ways of thinking. But first, you need to do a thoughtful analysis. 

#6 Don't be scared to ask for help

Lastly, if you feel you are unable to cope with your damaging thoughts on your own, don't be afraid to reach out to professionals. Remember - you are not alone, and so many people around the world are experiencing the same thing. Simply by acknowledging your problem, you are already one step ahead towards solving it.

By ignoring the problem, you can only make it bigger and more difficult to solve. In the worst case, it can lead you straight to addiction or depression. You can easily end up in a rehab center or on strong medication therapy. So please don't be afraid to seek professional help as soon as you notice any signs.

Final thoughts

We hope our article helped you learn ways to cope with and eventually transform your toxic thoughts. Remember - this is not a quick process, so don't give up if you don't experience results straight away. Instead, be patient and persistent and trust us—you'll reframe your thoughts and transform your life. Of course, if you do feel this is something too difficult to handle on your own, don't hesitate to reach out to California's best counselors. The sooner you ask for help, the quicker you'll be able to fully enjoy your everyday life.
​
Tanya Douglas

Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes, life can feel overwhelming. And this is perfectly normal. We all have moments when we think that the relationship issues, the stress at work, and the global and emotional events are too much to handle. And all of this can cause anxiety. While for some people, this is something manageable and temporary, for others, it can feel paralyzing. Nevertheless, mornings are usually the worst, even if you only suffer from mild anxiety. The main reason for this is the spike in cortisol levels (also known as the stress hormone) that takes place during the first hour after you wake up. So, here are our seven tips for coping with morning anxiety.

No. 1 Improving your sleep quality

The quality of your sleep has a significant impact on your mental health. Studies show that sleep problems can cause headaches, lack of concentration and energy, irritability, and anxiety. Therefore, improving your sleep quality is vital. Here are some ideas on how you can do that:

• Try to maintain a regular sleep schedule throughout the week. This means going to bed and waking up at the same time every day of the week.
• Try to avoid screens before going to bed. This includes everything from your mobile phone to your computer and TV. You can opt for a book instead.
• Try to engage in relaxing activities before going to bed instead of stimulating ones. Take a bath or read a book instead of doing physical exercises or cleaning your home.
• Try to keep your bedroom dark and cool to get more hours of sleep and avoid waking up too many times during the night.

No. 2 Paying attention to your diet

Research shows that there is a direct link between diet and anxiety. Specifically, some of the things we eat can trigger or ease anxiety. Therefore, to cope with morning anxiety, you should pay attention to what you eat. Try to add more fruits, vegetables, and protein to your diet and avoid refined carbohydrates and saturated fats.

Caption: Adding more fruits and vegetables to your diet is good for coping with morning anxiety.
Alt: A table full of fruits and vegetables.
Don’t forget about caffeine. Firstly, this is a very potent stimulant that can affect the quality of your sleep, which in turn can cause anxiety. Secondly, studies show that caffeine can intensify morning anxiety in people susceptible to this. Therefore, try to eliminate or reduce your caffeine intake.

No. 3 Exercising regularly

Exercising is good for your general health but also for coping with morning anxiety. This doesn’t mean you have to exercise right after you wake up - you can do it at any time during the day. And if you’re not a big fan of sports, you can take a walk. Anywhere between 10 to 30 minutes of walking outside will do wonders for your mood and can ease your anxiety.
Apart from the usual sports and physical exercises, you can also try meditation, yoga, and stretching. These relaxing practices can have a very soothing effect on you. So, it would help if you gave them a try.

Caption: For coping with morning anxiety, try some relaxing practices, like stretching.
Alt: A woman stretching on the floor of her apartment.

No. 4 Establishing a morning routine

When you feel like curling back in bed immediately after waking up, having a solid morning routine can help you get your morning anxiety under control. Plus, repeating the same activities every day can be very soothing. But don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be very complex. Just set a wake-up time and avoid pressing the snooze button. Then, your morning routine can include:

• Doing a bit of stretching.
• Eating breakfast.
• Taking a shower.
• Getting ready for work.

It’s that easy. You just have to stick to it.

No. 5 Thinking positively

When you’re dealing with anxiety for some time, your brain can develop automatic negative thought patterns. Thus, the moment you wake up, your mind will automatically bombard you with negative thoughts. Therefore, you must drop those toxic thoughts. Of course, this is not an easy task. Still, you can create some positive affirmations to counteract the negative ones. For example, you can counteract the negative claim “I feel horrible today” with the more upbeat “Yes, I’m feeling anxious, but it’s not the first time, and I know I can manage it.”

No. 6 Getting support from your loved one is good for coping with morning anxiety

Family and friends are the most powerful weapon you have against anxiety. They are your rock whenever life feels overwhelming. So, it would help if you relied on them. Circumstances can always change, and some of your family members can move away. Don’t miss the chance to throw them a going-away party and gather with your loved ones, as that will help both you and them. And afterward, go visit them as often as you can. Maintaining good relationships will do wonders in helping you deal with anxiety.

No. 7 Seeking professional help

Sometimes, even if you apply all these coping mechanisms, it’s still not enough. When you’re suffering from an anxiety disorder, seeking professional help might be the best solution. So, if your morning anxiety is so bad that it affects your daily functioning, find a good therapist to help you get through it. And if therapy is not enough, there are other treatment options that mental health professionals can recommend. The important thing is to acknowledge the full extent of your anxiety and not be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help.

Final thoughts

Life throws many things at us. Therefore, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes. And when this feeling persists, it leads to anxiety. While some people suffer from mild anxiety, others have a more challenging time dealing with it. But either way, you have to do something about it. Otherwise, it can affect all aspects of your life. So, use these seven tips for coping with morning anxiety. And remember, if you feel that it isn’t working, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
Meta description: The thought of getting up in the morning is unbearable because of all the anxiety you feel? Use these 7 tips for coping with morning anxiety.

Tanya Douglas ~ tanya@eastcoasthaul.com

Even the most self-assured parent may fidget when it comes to discussing complex topics with their children. It's difficult enough to explain frequent family problems to our children, such as divorce or grief. However, it might feel impossible to put them into words when confronted with major world issues like violence, disasters, and inequality. Unfortunately, trauma affects children's lives regularly, no matter how hard parents attempt to keep "bad things" out of their lives. This is why you should talk to your kids about difficult topics instead of meaninglessly trying to protect them. Although it may appear hard, taking a proactive approach and discussing such things openly can help your child feel safer.

Plan ahead of time

The first step in having a difficult conversation is to outline what you want to talk about ahead of time. You must select a single issue to address rather than several. You might, for example, opt to speak to your children about death. When doing so, try to keep it concise and focused on this one topic. Do not move on to other subjects until your child has had time to comprehend what you've talked about.
Furthermore, think about the approach you want to take, the phrases you wish to use, and the general flow of the conversation. The wonderful thing about the art of parenting is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. So, once the conversation starts, feel free to adjust the plan and go with the flow.

Adjust how you talk to your kids about difficult topics based on their age and developmental stage

Because children absorb information differently as they grow from babies to teenagers, considering their age and developmental stage is always a good idea. Even something as every day as moving to a new home needs a different approach depending on how old your kids are. For example, youngsters may not understand what's happening and why, whereas teenagers will. Nevertheless, you must communicate about this openly with both groups of children, adapting your language as necessary. Understanding how children perceive the world at various stages of development can assist you in providing information in an age-appropriate manner. Of course, each child brings their own set of sensitivities, temperaments, experiences, and other unique characteristics to any discussion. Therefore, before you talk to your kids about difficult topics, determine how well they absorb information.

Make a safe and comfortable environment

It is essential that you, as a parent, create a safe and comfortable environment in which to conduct such discussions in both mental and physical ways. Be open to discussions and do not shy away from such subjects when your child approaches you. Likewise, make a comfortable space in your home where you can sit and chat about complex topics with few distractions. If your youngster catches you off guard with a sensitive subject while you're out and about, save the conversation for later when you get home. Acknowledge the subject or topic and convey your eagerness to talk about it when you are in a more appropriate environment. You must initiate the topic once you return home, and the trip back will give you just enough time to prepare.

Keep your emotions in check

Most of the time, you will be emotionally affected by some of these challenging topics or concerns, making it more challenging to support your child. For example, if you wish to talk to your child about your seasonal depression, you must remain honest about your feelings. On the other hand, it's also essential to avoid being overwhelmed or having a negative emotional outburst during these interactions. When talking with your children, you can demonstrate that even difficult feelings (like anger, fear, or sadness) may be communicated peacefully by staying composed. Therefore, take some time if you or your child need a break to comprehend and deal with your current feelings.

Be honest, answer and ask questions

It's pointless to have these conversations with your child if you feel you have to be dishonest. Of course, we recommend that you present the facts in simple terms that they can understand and leave out any gruesome or disturbing details that they will not benefit from hearing. If your child asks you what an "abuser" is when talking about violence, be honest but pick your words. Likewise, honestly but wisely respond to any questions they may have. However, be honest with them and admit that you don't have all the answers when it comes to these topics. To remedy this, you can do research together or (if your child is too young) research and get back to them with more information. Lastly, ask them questions and hear what they have to say.

Reassure them and give them support

At the end of the conversation, your children may have a lot of uneasy feelings after learning about the terrible aspects of the world around them. Soothe their fears and worries by telling them that they are loved and that you will do everything to keep them safe. As much as you wish to take away these feelings, it's vital to choose your words carefully and avoid phrases like:

• "Everything will be alright."
• "Don't worry about anything."
• "There is no need to be scared."

Instead, assure them that you understand their worries, fears, and concerns and that their feelings are valid. Tell them it's OK to be sad and that you are also unhappy at times. Remind them about occasions when they were courageous or how they conquered fears in the past. Also, let them know that they have people they can rely on in times of need.

Keep the conversation open

Remember that once your difficult conversation ends, it might not be over. Your children may come up with additional questions about the subject to learn more. And, if you did a good job of communicating with them, they'll know who to turn to for answers. Naturally, if you require more time to prepare an answer, let them know and approach them once you're ready. Overall, you must recognize that if you want to talk to your kids about difficult topics, you must engage in conversations with them that will only evolve as they develop.

Tanya Douglas
Assistant Content WriterPhone: (929)-429-2712
www.eastcoasthaul.com 
Meta description: Do you want to talk to your kids about difficult topics but don't know where to start? Don't worry; we're here to help guide you through it.
Photo used: https://www.pexels.com/photo/caring-mother-patting-little-son-on-head-on-bed-4473797/

Dealing with conflict is rarely easy. This is particularly true when you are a kid. Sometimes kids do not have the needed emotional capacities to be patient in the face of frightening circumstances. This is only natural - children do not have enough life experience to tackle problems in a composed way. Some kids even use conflict to vent their repressed anger or sadness. Others might withdraw to themselves. However, it is vital to address problems your kid might encounter on time. Otherwise, they might adopt damaging coping mechanisms and behavioral patterns that might harm them and, ultimately, everyone around them. For this reason, we will help you understand the way to go about teaching kids how to deal with conflict in the right way.
 
On the one hand, your kid might be temperamental, making them inclined to react to provocation or disagreement in a brash way. On the other, your kid might be sensitive to criticism and attacks, thus impacting their self-confidence and social skills. Either way, there is a right and wrong way to deal with conflict. As a parent, it is your job to teach your child important skills. From teaching your kids how to steward their money to helping them resolve conflict in a healthy way, there’s plenty you can do to influence your child’s outlook on life.

Take note of the triggers that lead to conflict

First of all, both you and your kid need to understand that conflict is an inextricable part of day-to-day life. After all, being a part entails much more than just financial planning for the newest addition and purchasing baby supplies – it also requires some skills that all good parents need to posses. Knowing how to handle arguments, accusations, discussions, and fights is a skill worth learning. In most cases, your child’s reaction will signal deeper insecurities or struggles. What specific triggers make your kid lash out at your parents, siblings, or peers? Once you know what the actual source of the problem is, you will be one step closer to teaching kids how to deal with conflict.
 
One way to help your child deal with conflict is to ask about what they feel in situations that result in conflict. Do they feel ashamed, degraded, hurt, or angry? It is also important to pin down their thought processes in these situations. They might have been hurting because of something completely unrelated to the actual conflict in question.

Teaching kids how to deal with conflict is best done by setting a good example

Children are very impressionable, and they will tend to deal with stressful situations the same way they see you do it. As a parent, it is your responsibility to be a good role model to your child. Patience can be practiced, and being patient with and around your kid will set up a behavioral model the child can look up to.
 
For instance, moving away from home and family and settling in another environment usually makes kids feel anxious or sad. However, setting a good example and approaching the situation calmly will help them accept it. If they see that you are yelling, fuming, and lashing out at everyone that comes your way during the transition to a new home, they will probably feel stressed, insecure, and finally, grumpy and irritable. 
 
Address your kid’s feelings through books, movies, drawing…

If your child refuses to discuss the situation openly, there are other ways to tap into their inner workings. A few good things that came out of the coronavirus pandemic which has had the world switch to working from home, the biggest one being that now you have more time to dedicate to your children and the activities they like. The following strategies are most suited to approaching younger children as they might not even be able to put to words what they feel. 
 
Find a cartoon or book that your kid usually enjoys and focus on the situations and facial expressions. It could be Frozen or the Bible. If your kid is too impatient to read or focus on the screen, you can ask them to draw together. Ask your kid to draw what makes him happy, sad, and angry. Or, bring a chart of facial expressions in the form of a coloring book. 
 
With these minor distractions, you will be able to ask your kid how they feel while doing something that they enjoy. When they are relaxed and engaged, kids tend to lower their defenses. Also, such meditative and attention-grabbing activities also help the child relax and control any feelings of guilt, shame, or anger about the situation. Make use of your kid’s creative impulses. They can tell you a lot about their feelings and the reasoning behind their actions and thoughts.
 
Once you manage to pull this to the surface, you can teach them how they should behave without sounding patronizing. Also, it is better to use role models and third-person pronouns to do this. For instance, you could say, ‘Isn’t’ Scar’s revenge on Mufasa wrong?’ rather than saying, ‘You cannot fight with your friends in daycare.’
 
Talk them through the problem

For some kids, understanding what they feel might not be an easy task. There are so many physiological and emotional triggers that make self-assessment challenging. For instance, once kids turn the age of 12, the hormonal changes in their bodies might obscure rational thought processes. Entering puberty is challenging for kids because they themselves do not understand the motivations and urges that make them react inadequately during the conflict. However, verbalizing emotions and thoughts will bring the child closer to understanding what makes them upset.
 
As a solution, you should try to express interest in your kid’s outer and inner life without passing judgment. Your child must know they can talk to you about the inner turmoil they might be feeling.
 
And this is not just because of the parent-child relationship. While creating a safe space where your kid feels they can talk to you about their problems is an important building block toward a healthy relationship, it is also crucial that your child gets in the habit of discussing their feelings and opinions. Bottling up can lead to serious emotional neglect and complications that might rob your child of important social skills. For this reason, an occasional honest, calm conversation with your child might go a long way when it comes to teaching kids how to deal with conflict.

Tanya Douglas
Assistant Content WriterPhone: (929)-429-2712
www.eastcoasthaul.com

Facing your first Christmas without someone you love can be a very lonely and daunting time.
There may be expectations that you will put up the Christmas tree, send out greeting cards, go out
Christmas shopping and join family and friends for Christmas dinner...especially because others want
to see you coping and moving on.

But when you’re grieving this can be really difficult. You may have no inclination or energy to
‘pretend’ that you are looking forward to Christmas when in truth you wish things were the way they
were last year - when you were still together with your loved one.

On the other hand, some people want to handle Christmas time by doing things in the same way
as always - not changing anything and keeping to the same routines and family rituals. Keeping to
the familiar gives them comfort. Allow yourself to have fun. It doesn't mean you've forgotten the
person or that your grief for them is over.

When you’re grieving, everyone handles their emotions and reactions differently. Here are
three tips if you’re facing the dilemma of how to handle this Christmas:

1. Give yourself permission not to do the things that you’re finding hard to do - writing Christmas
cards, putting up the tree, going to Christmas parties - it’s alright to let these go this year or
next, until you can cope with social events again.

2. Make a point of remembering your loved one in a special way - light a candle for them on
Christmas Day, place an ornament on the Christmas tree to symbolize them, buy a gift for a
needy child or family in place of the gift you would have bought.

3. Allow yourself to grieve - the days leading up to Christmas (and other significant days on the
calendar) can heighten your grief. Seeing other couples and families together just hurts.
Seeing the empty place at the Christmas table will be hard to bear. It’s alright to cry and let
people know that it’s hard living without someone special. Try not to bottle up your feelings.
Now’s the time to tell a close friend that you’re struggling to put on a happy face and that
you'd appreciate their company or simply their listening ear for support.

And if you know someone who is grieving this Christmas, give them a call, write them a special
card, invite them over for a quiet get together, speak up and acknowledge their loss, and have the
courage to mention the name of their loved one … and let them know that you understand that it may
be a hard time for them because it’s Christmas… and there are memory triggers everywhere of a
missing face, an empty chair and silent thoughts of the way Christmas used to be.
 
Doris Zagdanski is a leading figure in modern day grief and loss education. Her seminars are included in vocational qualifications in Allied Health, Counselling and Funeral Directing. Her books and free factsheets are available at www.allaboutgrief.com and at https://www.mygriefassist.com.au/

I have 2 sons who are transitioning to Middle School. This an exciting and anxiety provoking time for me as a parent. If that is the case for me, I’m sure my boys are also anxiously anticipating the transition. The following tips and suggestions are things that I find to be helpful and informative as a parent to both an amazing child with Autism and an amazing neurotypical child. Did I say my sons are AMAZING!?
Below are 10 tips on helping a child with Autism transition to Middle School. Followed by general suggestions for preparing the student, the parent, and the academic support team for the transition:

• School Culture and leadership
  • Some of the above are outside of the parents control but not beyond our influence.  The school culture and leadership style are a few of these things. Whether it’s anti-bullying, Autism education, or scheduling, the principal and vice-principal will inform how well the staff/teachers will follow these initiatives as well as the general culture toward inclusion. If the principal does not understand, or lacks education on, Autism it will make it that much more difficult to establish and maintain a school culture that is educated and understanding of students with Autism. On the other hand, if the principal understands Autism they can better facilitate a school culture that is not just tolerant but welcoming of students with Autism and other special needs.
• Tailoring academic subjects according to ability not disability
  • One things that tends to be done in schools all too regularly (in my opinion) is placement of students in class “levels” according to their disability rather than their ability. Autistic students just like any other student can be stronger in some subjects than others. But the typical response to the diverse skill level is to put the child on the level of their lowest skill so that learning won’t be “too challenging” for them.

 For instance my son is a very strong reader but he needs support in math. Rather than giving him higher level reading material, he was given all lower level assignments in every subject. “so that he can be successful and not be overwhelmed”. Eventually we had to insist that he was met at his level in each subject rather than placed at the system’s level of comfort. Besides what’s wrong with a little challenge every now and then? Where there is a challenge a victory can follow!

• Knowledgeable case management
  • The case manager is the one that is responsible for your child’s IEP (Individualized Education Program) on the school’s end. It is imperative they be knowledgeable of Autism in order for the IEP to be applicable. If they are not than the IEP will not necessarily meet the needs of your student academically or socially. The case manager also serves as the liaison or “bridge educator” between the Autism student and general education teacher. They can be essential to making it easier for the teacher to teach and the Autistic student to adapt to general education.
• Attention to Program Modification and Specially Designed Instructions
  • An IEP is very important to your child’s academic success but SDI (Specially Designed Instructions) are three more important letters to include in your vocabulary. Specially Designed Instructions are the adaptations or resources specific to your student, that are included in the IEP such as: alternative environments for testing, timing increases, homework assignments adapted to make workload more manageable, etc. Having the appropriate SDI can mean greater understanding and ultimately more success in a general education setting.

 
Now would be a good time to mention, of course we hope that all teachers would read the IEP in an effort to familiarize themselves with your student. But this is Middle School. This means several different classes, different teachers with different teaching styles and they may not see the SDI if they don’t read the IEP.
It would be a good idea for you to shoot the teacher a quick email summarizing your child’s strengths and weaknesses, SDI’s, and any other special information you think is important, to share about your child. I always say “It is better to lead with your strengths rather than letting others discover your deficiencies”. Provide the teacher with a “cheat sheet” to understanding your student.

• Think technology

Due to the significant increase in writing and note taking in middle school look for technological resources to assist in this task. We are living in a technological time. The good news is things like iPads and netbooks can be a very helpful resource for students who have writing challenges.
When my son was in 3rd grade we added the computer lab on his school’s campus to his list of SDI’s where he could go daily and use a software program that helped him with writing, sentence completion, comprehension and grammar. He was already strong in English but writing was an issue due to difficulties with fine motor skills. He responded to the program brilliantly and now is much better at writing and taking notes.

• Positive Behavioral Support

• Most children with Autism have certain sensory sensitivities that can interrupt their learning experience throughout the day. Unlike elementary school where there is only one classroom, one teacher and all the same surroundings every day, middle school is different teachers, different classes and different environments throughout the day making it more difficult to adapt for a student with autism.

For instance my son has a sensitivity to loud noises. When the classroom would get loud (which can happen in a room of 30 children) my son would put his hands over his ears and sometimes yell “be quiet I can’t concentrate.” Sensory issues like this should be considered and written into the IEP as well as your email to the teacher in order to accommodate your student and maintain the learning environment.

• Bullying
  • Bullying has been an issue in schools for some time, especially for children with special needs. Autistic children tend to struggle socially on many different levels. It is important to assess the culture of the school when it comes to bullying. A “No Tolerance” policy is what you want on the school’s part and most certainly on your part as a parent. Impress upon the teachers and administrative staff your expectation as a parent is that your child should not have to be subjected to bullying, have a developmentally appropriate discussion with your student(s) about what bullying looks like (with specific examples) to prepare and empower them to respond appropriately. Another thing that may be out of your control as a parent but you should be the primary influence on your student(s) in regards to dealing with it!

 

• Lunch
  • Lunch can be a stressful time for a student with Autism. It is essentially a “social hour”. It’s noisy, crowded, and pretty much overwhelming for someone with limited social skills. It is important to explore options. So for example seating in a less crowded, quieter setting (other than the cafeteria), if necessary. It may be necessary to even include lunch period in the IEP. If your child has a good, peaceful, enjoyable lunch it will make it easier for them to focus for the rest of the day.
• Consider After School Activities
  • In middle school kids can join band and chorus. Studies show that children who participate in music programs do better academically. Autistic students also benefit from opportunities to socialize and create friendships with others based on common interests such as music and art.

In 4th grade both my sons played violin. I was pleasantly surprised by how well my son with autism did with this instrument. He tolerated the noise like a musician, he picked up on all the cues and musical changes, always remembered his violin on class days, and took his performances very seriously. He wanted to do well! And he did! They both did!
 After school programs are an opportunity for your student to do something fun and create relationships with others based on common interests, develop a positive association with school, and feel good about themselves! Win Win Win!

• Create Friendship groups
  • Creating a group where children with special needs are paired with typical children to do special projects, social events, and service in the community is a great way to help your child socialize and build relationships. Your child being paired with someone who accepts them for exactly who they are will help them to accept, love, and value themselves.

 
A few General tips
Over the Summer:
The following are a few things you and your child can do to prepare over the summer
With the School :

• Discuss a potential schedule with the new middle school and the IEP team in regards to your student’s need for balance in their schedule, breaks, and resource support opportunities. Don’t forget to consider sensory issues when designing a schedule.
• Find out the names and contact information of the support staff (e.g. school Counselor, school Nurse, Behavioral Specialist, etc.) The school will typically have this information on their website.
• Find out how parents can become involved (if desired).

With your Child :

• Talk to your child periodically over the summer about the new school. What a day at the new school will look like, e.g. what time they will have to wake up in order to get to school on time, what will happen first at school. As specifically as you can go through the day with your child. Knowing what to expect of the day can be key in getting them through it.
•  Drive your student by the school. Middle schools typically have larger campuses than elementary schools. Visiting the middle school to get familiar with the campus is a good way to start the transition process.
• Allow student to practice the route walking to classes (if known). Pay special attention to bathrooms, homeroom, cafeteria, main office, nurse’s office, and gym. It is important that your student identify a “safe place” from which they can regroup.
• Practice finding, unlocking and locking their lockers.
• Provide your student with school handbook (if available) so that they can become familiar with school rules and consequences of breaking them.
• Attend Parent/Student orientation.
• Practice where they will go and what to say if they need help.
• Prepare your student for the fact that they will encounter different teachers with different rules and teaching styles so they will need to be flexible.
• Purchase divider notebooks to help your student to stay organized.
• Address getting to and changing for gym class and locker room etiquette. Hygiene is a verb!

For Parents:

• Familiarize yourself with the online resource for parents such as Parent Vue to keep up with your student’s workload and assignments as well as their grades. This is becoming the best way for busy parents to stay in constant contact with their student’s academic life.

 
 
As a parent I truly hope that all of the above tips help you and your student(s) get your “Transition Mission” accomplished. I am praying on behalf of my family and yours that Middle School be an awesome, cultivating, learning, challenging, inspiring, fun experience for our children!
 
Sources: Vicker, B (2003), AAutisminRealLife.com
image from: Indian Grove Elementary School

It’s summer time!! I know that kids get extremely excited to be out of school for the summer. It’s finally time to relax and NO homework or tests. They’re finally FREE!!!  That last day of school before summer vacation is a day they have been finally waiting for. No more having to listen to teachers telling them to pay attention, look towards the front of the class, sit still, stop all the chattering, or being picked on to answer a question when they feel unprepared. They are in the best mood ever on that day and you all go out and celebrate the end of another successful school year.

Now that you have your kids for 2 ½ months, what are you planning to do with them? I remember when my kids were younger, I would have mixed feelings about summer vacation. On one hand, it was great not having to wake up early in the morning, make them breakfast, and pack their lunch. However, on the other hand, I knew that it became my job to keep them entertained. How was I going to fill up 10 weeks and make sure to keep them happy and at the same time, keep my sanity. In the first few weeks, I took my kids to the community pool and beach. That idea worked for a while, but soon we all became burned out from the sun and water.

We still had many weeks ahead of us to fill up before school started up again. What was I going to do? Well, I admit that there were many days that I couldn’t come up with anything and they were bored sitting at home. All I heard some days was, “Mom, we’re bored?” Does that sound relaxing to anyone? Hence, I have listed several ideas to fill those days that they are driving you over the edge…

• Take them to the park and blow bubbles and have water balloon fights
• Invite their friends for play dates
• Take them to the library to check out some of their favorite book series
• Hiking – many trails in Orange County
• Go fossil hunting at a nearby lake
• Visit a fire or police station
• Bake sugar cookies and frost them
• Set up a tent in the backyard
• Explore your city using public transportation – new experience for the kids

​If you feel that your kids are getting burned out from the activities you have scheduled, change your course and let them relax. It’s imperative to provide a balance for your kids during their time off from school and allow some unstructured time to play and encourage creativity. According to educators, they believe that downtime helps kids’ minds relax and function better when school is back in session.
Remember, if you get frustrated with your children during these summer months, the best way they can express their thoughts and feelings is through their play. Research studies indicate that children use play as their language and toys as their words. 

Written by Susie Ibrahim, M.A., Registered Associate Marriage & Family Therapist
Susie currently sees clients in Orange, CA
​
The material contained in this newsletter has been prepared by an independent third-party provider. The information in this website is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any medical or psychological conditions or diseases. The statements in this website have not been evaluated by the American Psychological Association or any other mental health organization or financial organization.
The information provided in this website is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for advice from your physician, other mental health care professional, or financial advisor. You should not use the information in this website for diagnosis or treatment of any health, mental health problem,  prescription of any medication or other treatment, or financial advice. 

Compliments of
Turning Point Counseling
1370 N. Brea Blvd., Ste. 245 ~ Fullerton ~ CA ~ 92835
800-998-6329 ~TurningPointCounseling.org