“You’re only saying that to look good to our friends – it’s just a show you’re putting on.”
“You don’t really love me.”
“You don’t care about anything that matters to me – you only think about yourself.”
These are all examples of what we call MIND READING. Mind reading is when we dictated the thoughts, motives or intentions of our mate. In essence it’s attempting to play God by claiming to know the intent of our spouse’s heart and mind. This is dangerous ground for a marriage because of the tremendous frustration and conflict it creates. (Indeed it is one of the leading conflict styles that is used to predict divorce.)
Make it a focus to eliminate MIND READING from your marriage by:
Scripture teaches us that only God knows the heart …
“Forgive, and deal with each man according to all he does, since You (God) know his heart (for You alone know the hearts of men)” 2 Chronicles 6:30
And that it is God’s job to judge the heart…
“Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.” 1 Corinthians 4:5
Jesus warned about over focusing on other people’s problems to the point of not being able to see our own short comings. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.” Luke 6:41-42
What do couples say when they get rid of MIND READING from their marriage?
“I felt like there was nothing I could do to help our marriage – I couldn’t win.
"Now we’re getting along.”
“We now have peace.”
“I feel like we respect each other now.”
by Dr. Kevin Downing, LMFT
Co-Founder of Turning Point Counseling
Dr. Downing is available to see clients at the Fullerton office. Call 1-800-998-6329 today to schedule an appointment! We have over 20 locations in southern California.
The material contained in this newsletter has been prepared by an independent third-party provider. The information in this website is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any medical or psychological conditions or diseases. The statements in this website have not been evaluated by the American Psychological Association or any other mental health organization or financial organization.
The information provided in this website is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for advice from your physician, other mental health care professional, or financial advisor. You should not use the information in this website for diagnosis or treatment of any health, mental health problem, prescription of any medication or other treatment, or financial advice.
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1370 N. Brea Blvd., Ste. 245 ~ Fullerton ~ CA ~ 92835
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