Love is more than an emotion. Love is an action. With divorce rates over 30 to 40 percent at present, it is clear that many misunderstand the way in which we as persons learn to love. Jesus stated that we are to love our enemies. It is easy for someone to love those that love us. But what do we do when we are faced with those who choose at times to not love us. When they downright break their promises to us. - See John's video at the end of this blog.
First we need to understand something about our minds. They hold emotions and memories in the hippocampus and the amygdala. When we are older, unresolved material, that which is connected to pain and suffering, gets triggered by current events. These current events are interpreted through our old beliefs and feelings. So as Jesus stated, first we must see our planks before we can clearly understand the other person’s specks.
Those, it seems, who are the closest to us, such as husbands, wives, family members, and children, trigger these old feelings more than a mere acquaintance would. That is the way it is with our old unresolved issues. This is true usually because our old unresolved issues are often time created as children, and most of our old wounds are received at the hands of family and close friends. Of course there are many exceptions. However, even with the child who is molested by a neighbor, the way the parent responded or did not respond usually caused the greatest pain and wound.
When we feel pain from these unresolved wounds our minds experience them in much the same way and depth as when we originally experienced them as children. With this said, Jesus gave us a very clear pattern of how to deal with our pain. First we are to remove and have our planks (experiences, perceptions) removed before we can see clearly as to the motivations of another’s’ heart. We are not to judge others simply because our perceptions are always determined by our past experiences.
Love believes all things. You see, we are commanded to always give mercy, even as we are granted mercy. Forgive as we are forgiven. So how do we treat a spouse, or friend, or person who has hurt us? First we choose to forgive. Second we ask god to show us what the real source of our pain is. We must go beyond blaming the present situation. We must look for the root cause of the pain. The unresolved wound that our now current situation is triggering and connecting itself to.
This is the way of the cross. My book “Restoring Gods Image” will show you how to accomplish this in your life. It is time to stop leaving our marriages and fighting to allow God to teach us how to love unconditionally. This can be accomplished.
John DelGrosso MFT
The material contained in this newsletter has been prepared by an independent third-party provider. The material provided is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as investment, financial, real estate and/or mortgage advice. Although the material is deemed to be accurate and reliable, there is no guarantee it is not without errors.
Turning Point Counseling
1370 N. Brea Blvd., Ste. 245 ~ Fullerton ~ CA ~ 92835
Turning Point Counseling
Help for our family finances