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Stress

Striving to Resolve Every Single Situation!
By: Dr. Jim Grimes
Forward by Frances J. Harvey, Office Manager

Does this sound like you? Do you want to resolve everything in life, but are unable? Are you stressed? If you said no, you might want to start over and examine your life!

It’s been said that EVERYONE has stress! There is no way of escaping it! The following article is the last in our series of “Depression, Anxiety and Stress!” (If you missed any of the issues, you can contact us at - newsletter@turningpointcounseling.org and request copies of the July and August issues and to be added to our email list).

God gives us tools, in His Word, to use at times when life seems to be out of control. In this article, Dr. Grimes has brought to our attention these jewels of scripture that you can begin to use immediately and put to test some of God’s promises. He brings insightful information and helpful tools to equip you to be able to deal with the everyday trials of that monster we call stress! Read on and don’t miss out!

Dr. Grimes sees clients in Brea and La Mirada. You can call our office at 800-998-6329 and ask to schedule and appointment with Dr. Grimes. If you are not near these areas, we have over 30 locations and can schedule an appointment for you today. You can also check out website at www.turningpointcounseling.org

STRESS: MANAGING THE ROLLERCOASTER EXPERIENCE OF LIFE by Jim Grimes, Psy.D.

To open this article, I will begin with a quote from the famous 20th century philosopher, George Jetson:
“Jane, how do you stop this crazy thing?” These words come after George returns home from a day at the office, drops his brief case off with Rosy the Robot, sits in a chair that has emerged from the floor underneath him, receives his slippers from his son and a pipe from his daughter and is handed the leash to walk his dog Astro by his wife. What a wonderful stress free environment! Right? Wrong. The minute he steps on the conveyor belt to walk his dog a cat jumps out and everything quickly goes awry. Astro and the cat jump off leaving George by himself running for his life on the treadmill, as he loudly and repeatedly screams the words quoted above.

Maybe this sounds familiar to you. You might even think that it sounds a lot like your life. You put in a hard day at work, drive home in rush hour traffic, and are greeted at the door by your loving, but chaotic family. It would be nice if the stressful day ended there, but no, it’s just started to warm up. You now quickly down dinner in two bites as you frantically dress your son/daughter for practice and rush out the door because you’re already 15 minutes late. Once practice is complete, you quickly stop by the grocery store as you remember that you are the one bringing the snacks to the game tomorrow. Then, you return home, bath the children and finally place them in bed. It is only now, at the end of the day that you take a deep breath and try to relax. As you do, you realize how utterly exhausted you are from the strain. The worst part is you recognize that tomorrow is going to follow the same pattern, and you wonder, “Jane, how do I stop this crazy thing?”

You are stressed out. Stress is present everywhere you go and in everything you do. You cannot avoid it, run from it, or get rid of it, and ironically, by trying to do so, you unwittingly create more of it. Stress is like the gum you get stuck on the bottom of your shoe. No matter how hard you try to remove it, it just will not go away. So, since it is here to stay, and you have to live with it, what do you do about it?

To begin with, let’s define stress in a non-traditional fashion through an analogy.

The purpose behind defining stress through an analogy is because we each experience the animal called stress differently. Stress can be seen in observing passengers’ responses to riding a fast, steep, and winding roller coaster ride. Some have their eyes clamped shut, are screaming before the car has left the station, and are clenching the safety restraint so tightly they leave indentions of their grip behind. These individuals simply want the ride to be over and it is literally all they can do to stay in their seats, wishing they had never stepped foot on it. Others have smiles on their faces and laughter in their eyes as the train snakes in and around the curves at break neck speeds. They seem to relish in and enjoy every movement of the attraction—both the up’s and down’s. In between these there are those who respond to the ride with indifference. Are roller coasters stressful? No question! The difference is found in the varying responses the passengers depicted to the circumstances surrounding them.

It is clear in the analogy that stress can have a positive or negative impact upon your life. Positively, stress can motivate you towards action—action that leads to increased understanding of yourself as well as to hope for the future. Negatively, it can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion that in turn can create feelings of worthlessness, distrust, rejection, and depression. Left unaddressed, negative stress can decrease, and literally compromise, the immune system’s ability to fight off infections and illnesses. Given these dynamics, the question that necessitates an answer is: How do you maximize the positive and decrease the negative?

Next, let’s take a look at some practical tips to aid you in managing the strain in your life, so you can slow down the crazy treadmill of life.

RECOGNIZE WHAT YOU CAN CHANGE

This may sound easy to begin with, but it is exactly where the war against stress is won. The first step in winning the battle is to simply identify the stress in your life, specifically, the unrelieved, negative stress. Once you understand the cause of your distress, the real work commences as you now progress towards adapting the source of stress/ or changing your reaction to it.

Next, become aware of the aspects of your life that distresses you. This is where you follow in the footsteps of Christ in Mark 1:35 where “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” It is important to stop and reflect on your life. Just as Christ lifted His requests up to God, so can you. It is here in times of quiet and solitude, where you slow down, that you become aware of those areas that are causing stress in your life, especially when you enlist the aid of your Heavenly Father.
Be faithful to journal these aspects of your life as they are revealed to you. It is important not to gloss over your problems. Take the time you need to identify the events/situations that distress you. Note what you are telling yourself about the meaning of these events. The reason for investing this time is to develop the ability to know what is in your control and what is not. This process enables you to follow through with the words written in Proverbs 3:5-6 where it states, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will direct your paths.” Seek His guidance and direction in knowing what you can/cannot control in your life.
Reinhold Niebuhr penned a well-known prayer that can be very instrumental in helping you understand the difference between the two. Take time each day to pause and recite the prayer, making it a part of who you are and how you look at and interpret life. Allow this time you spend with Christ to inform how you approach the stressors in your life by changing, avoiding, or eliminating them. The prayer is as follows:

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

REDUCE THE INTENSITY OF YOUR REACTION TO THE STRESS

To manage the intensity of your reaction, it is important to remember that your response to stress is triggered by your perception of danger—real or imagined. Ways people can misinterpret their situations/environments is to engage in one of the following ways. Do you view your stressors in exaggerated terms, taking difficult situations and making them into a disaster, or making a mountain out of a molehill? Do you try and please everyone? Could you be overreacting and seeing life as absolutely critical and urgent? Do you feel you must win in every situation?

Should you find yourself responding to stress in one of the above manners, don’t panic. Just pause and remember the words found in Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” In this moment, work at adapting a more moderate response by viewing the stress as something you can cope with, as God walks by your side. He can aid you in putting the events into perspective, and by not focusing on the negative aspects or the “what if’s?”

LEARN TO MANAGE YOUR PHYSIOLOGICAL REACTION TO STRESS

Now that you are taking back control of your thought life, it is also vital to harness your physical reaction to the stress in your life. When stress becomes activated in your life, your body begins to prepare itself for the perceived danger. Thus, a number of stress hormones are manufactured that decrease your ability to manage the stress that is present, as their purpose is to prepare you to fight or run. So to begin reversing this process it is critical to follow the admonition in Psalm 46:10, where you are encouraged to be still, and know that He is God; that he will be exalted among the nations, that he will be exalted in the earth. Even in the midst of major stress it is important to pause and acknowledge Christ as your Lord.

During these moments take time to slow down your breathing. Breathing in to the count of 5, and then exhale out to the count of six. Another exercise is to inhale to a 3 count, hold for a 3 count, and then exhale for a 3 count. It is import to breath slowly and evenly, or you may begin to hyperventilate, which will exacerbate the stress response. In addition, relaxation techniques can prove beneficial by reducing muscle tension. To do this, begin with the top of your body and tense a muscle to the count of three and then relax. Note the different between the tense and calm positions. Repeat this for a total of three times and then move on to the next muscle as your progress down your entire body. When these deep breathing and relaxation techniques are coupled with the recitation of Scripture, it can lead to a quick decrease in the stress response your body is producing.

INVEST TIME IN BUILDING YOUR PHYSICAL RESERVES

Lastly, there are some disciplines that you can participate in to improve your response to the stress in your life. Engage in cardiovascular exercise on a regular basis, three to four times a week. This increases your body’s physical ability to respond to stress and decreases the amount of stress hormones present. Be sure to consult your physician before beginning any rigorous exercise routines. Eat well-balanced and nutritional meals. Maintain a healthy weight for yourself. Mix leisure with work. Step away from something and come back if it becomes too overwhelming. Get enough sleep and be as consistent with your sleep pattern as possible. Avoid nicotine, excessive caffeine, other stimulants, and video games that naturally increase the body’s stress response.

INVEST IN YOUR EMOTIONAL RESERVES

During times of immense stress in your life, it is common to think that no one would understand what you are experiencing, so you keep it to yourself and suffer quietly. This is a mistake. You were not intended to face life on your own. In 1 Samuel 20:42, Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, 'The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.' Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.” Just as David had Jonathan while Saul was hunting him, so your friendships can comfort you when life is overwhelming. Friendship is a cooling salve when life strips you of your coping skills, leaving you exposed and raw.

It is also important to establish realistic goals that are meaningful to you, rather than objectives others have placed upon you. Expect some failure, frustration, disappointment, and sorrow. Surprisingly, you are not perfect. You will make mistakes. So, give yourself a break and extend yourself some grace—be a friend to yourself. Should you put into practice many of the recommendations mentioned here and you still find yourself overwhelmed by stresses in your life, you may want to contact a therapist for some additional assistance.

By Jim Grimes, Psy.D.
Turning Point Counseling
Clinical Director
PSY #21266