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Marriage and Money

By: Dr. Peter Robbins

Allow me, if you will, to get into your Business. That’s right, I said your Business. If you’re single, married, or have a family, you’re in Business. Did you know that? That doesn’t sound too warm and fuzzy, much less spiritual does it? The truth is, a business exists when you have money coming in (revenue) and money going out (expenses) with the goal in any one period to have greater revenue than expenses. It’s simple, straightforward, and in fact, very spiritual! Let me give you some perspective.

As a Christian psychologist overseeing a ministry that works alongside the Church for the past thirty years I have, unfortunately, seen many Christian marriages fail. I still cringe when I see the statistics for Christian divorce mimic the secular. Over these years the top contenders for the blame in the demise of marriage have been communication issues, sexual problems, and financial challenges. Of the three, financial issues have always been number one.

Marriages commonly erode over time as communication and sexual problems take years to intensify and end in divorce. But money issues can take down a marriage in months! It’s devastating to watch, much less experience. Creditors want their money NOW and they don’t care about your circumstances. The stress of losing a job or getting sick and losing your ability to work creates enormous pressure on your marriage. Some of you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Sometimes deeper clinical issues fuel our financial downfall. Couples, mismanaging their anger, pay each other back, out of spite, by out-spending the other into financial ruin. A wife missing the love and attention she craves from her husband finds solace at Mall. Parents of an out-of-control teenager pay for damaged property from a DUI accident. A wife’s gambling addiction just cost them their house. Mis-use and abuse of money is a symptom of deep spiritual need and wreaks havoc in relationships.

The only way to prevent personal or marital ruin due to money problems is to become even more spiritual about your business than you already are. The key to wise business management is STEWARDSHIP. This isn’t new. You’ve heard it before. So why is it so hard to implement? I believe the reason lies in the tremendous amount of toxic understanding about money. Money is bad. Money is evil. Any focus on money makes one carnal. Money will drain your spirituality. You’re either a business (bad) or a ministry (good) and certainly not both. Somewhere deep down we still believe making a profit is under-handed. We have even taken the parable of the talents and narrowed its application to the use of personal gifts when it is as much about money management as any other asset. We Christians are afraid of money: getting it, owning it, growing it, and using it. Because of this fear, we shy away from sound Biblical understanding and languish in “sloppy agape”. As long as we just do it in love, with love, it will somehow work out. NOT! The Church at large has suffered from this attitude with an average tithing rate of 2.5% fading from a recent 2.9%. No wonder most pastors have a second job and their wives are forced to work. According to BankRate.com, Americans (including Christians) spent more than they earned in 2005 -- a negative savings rate of 0.5 percent for the year. That's the first time that's happened since the Great Depression. Your family business is called to lead the way in financial stewardship but these statistics put many of us two paychecks away from bankruptcy!

We should be the Josephs of our world providing for others out of a storehouse of abundance not victims of our own financial neglect. We should be unleashed for bold, God-led action by abundance thinking and not stifled by scarcity thinking. This starts in the home. Your home. How are you doing? Here’s some good news--finally! Though stewardship has been a forgotten spiritual discipline; you can cultivate it along with the disciplines of prayer, worship, and study of the Word.

Here’s a quick primer on Biblical stewardship. There are four areas that will help you get a better handle on managing your financial resources. The first has to do with getting it. Often this is fraught with anxiety. Will I have enough? Is what I do have enough? What will my future hold? Will I have more, less, the same? One thing is certain… “If it’s not one thing, then it’s another”. And when “it” happens, it usually drains our money. Our only salvation comes from a critical understanding--JEHOVAH-JIREH. Your God will provide. Do you believe that? I hope so because that’s where you’ll find your peace. That doesn’t mean that you kick back, snap your finger and God goes to work. It’s the reverse. You diligently plow your field, faithfully tend to your crop and God WILL bring the rain or some other resource to sustain you. To move from anxiety to financial peace you need to pray and agree as one that God will provide. Check out Philippians 4:6-7 for more assurance.

The second concept has to do with owning it. This raises an important question that has only one correct answer. Who owns all of your stuff? Do you? Isn’t your money, your money? It’s not. It ALL belongs to God. He made it all. We are to be stewards, managers of what he has entrusted to us. To think otherwise gives way to arrogance, self-centeredness, pride, false security and denial. Timothy makes it quite clear, “For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.” (vs. 6:7, emphasis added). Stewardship in marriage looks like this: Are you entering the checks that you write in your check registry? Are you balancing your checkbook each month? Are you maintaining the stuff that you have? Are you paying your bills on time? Do you have a financial cushion for emergencies? Do you have a will, adequate insurance, etc. And here’s the zinger, do you have a budget? Don’t be embarrassed. You’re not alone. Over 75% of Americans don’t either. Being a wise steward doesn’t mean you have to personally execute every step, it means you make sure it gets done. If you don’t like the accounting element of stewardship (a very important element) then get someone to do it for you.

Now that you understand who provides for your needs and that you’re to be a wise steward, it’s time to rattle another cage: Growing it. Yes that means making a profit; being profitable with all that you manage (time, money, assets, people, etc.). It’s moving from scarcity thinking to abundance thinking. Here’s what holds us back, here’s what we fear: if we grow our financial recourses, that somehow we’ll fall in love with the money. First Timothy talks a great deal about this. Speaking to overseers, Timothy admonishes them to be free from the love of money (vs. 1:3). In chapter 6 verse 10, he tells us the Lust for money brings trouble and nothing but trouble. (The Message). Many Christians avoid this trap by making sure they are not profitable. How’s that for a solution? It is a lousy one and the whole Church suffers for it. What’s better is to embrace the challenge of the parable of the talents and double our money (a 100% return on your money!). Don’t be shy, get someone who is adept in growing resources and put them to work. Remember, if you’re faithful in little, he’ll entrust you with more.

And now we come to our final concept about Biblical stewardship, using it. It answers the question “Why?” Why bother with all this stewardship stuff? What’s the purpose of getting it, owning it, and growing it? Why? And here’s the crux: to give it away…to build God’s Kingdom. I am aware of many rich people who are depressed and lost. They’re lost inside of all their stuff. They’ve been successful stewards, but they don’t know what to do with their return. They have the opportunity to squander it or build the Kingdom. Of all the investments available, you can’t beat God’s Kingdom.

Let’s review the four stewardship principles: Getting it: Be at peace and know God will provide. Owning it: You don’t, he does, so be a faithful steward. Growing it: Make your life and your money profitable. Using it: Take your profits and build His Kingdom.

God promises a life that is abundant. As we partner with Him, we need to do our part in bringing discipline and sound stewardship to the table. He’s ready to start, are you?