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The writer of the book of James in the New Testament said it so well, "confess your faults one to another and prayed for one another and you will be healed" James 5:16. Confession is the thing that often starts spiritual revivals and it's the thing that so often revives a marriage.
Situational validation - This type of validation says, "I can see how you'd feel... depressed discouraged, alone' -- e.g. whatever your spouse is saying they are feeling... because "your favorite uncle just died" -- e.g. whatever situation that has occurred in your spouse's life that they are emotionally responding to.
This type of validation can often be blocked by two things:
1) "Shoulding" - you know what this sounds like, "you shouldn't feel that way" or of course the more extreme version "just stop feeling that way!"
2) "Fixing" -- this is the attempt at classic problem-solving. Although it may be well intended, trying to fix problems without acknowledging feelings can be disastrous. We men seem to be big fixers. We get paid the big bucks at work to fix problems all day long only to finally come home to our wives where we are often greeted with a host of more problems. We think, "At work I get paid for this but for you dear I'll help you for free." Of course she doesn't want "free", she wants a hug and some validation that her world and her life today has been a struggle.
I had a wise old supervisor one-time who told me a story about when he was a little boy. He was traveling by boat to Catalina Island just off the Southern California coast. A terrible storm kicked up and the passengers on board began to fear for their lives. He told me that it was then that his mother held him. He said "I wasn't really any safer, but I sure have felt better".
Most of life's storms we can't stop but we sure can do a good job of holding each other. That's the beauty of validation.
Join us next time as we look at the forth Pipeline of Poison. It is called NEGATIVE INTERPRETATION (and its little cousin named Mind Reading.)
We
do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom
of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. 7 No,
we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God
destined for our glory before time began.
I Corinthians 2:6
It
is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of
faith we also believe and therefore speak
II Corinthians 4:13
On
the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel.
We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.
I Thessalonians 2:4
Jonathan,
David's uncle, was a counselor, a man of insight and a scribe.
I Chronicles 27:32
Ahithophel
was the king's (David's) counselor.
I Chronicles 27:33
"To God belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his.
Job 12:13
And
I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you
forever - the Spirit of truth.
John 14:16-17