In a world where it is politically incorrect to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” There is wonderful healing in going against the tide. I want to share with you a little tool I’ve used in counseling couple for more that twenty-five years. I’ve found it to be, in many situations the fastest way to turn a troubled marriage around. It is based on a famous New Testament scripture that says, “Confess your faults one to another and pray for each other and you will be healed.” James 5:16.
AMENDS LIST
An amends list is an honest recounting of wrongs you have done to your spouse. The incidences on your list begin with phrases such as:
It is important that you are specific. Saying, “I hurt you by embarrassing you,” doesn’t mean much. But saying, “I hurt you by calling you a liar in front of our friends, John and Lori Smith at the birthday party last night” means a lot. It’s ownership of what you did.
Share your Amends List with your counselor, pastor or mentor and get their feedback. After some fine tuning share your list with your spouse for the purpose of honesty and reconciliation.
When you do share your list, expect your spouse to make additions, such as, “you forgot about…”
When they do, DO NOT disagree or debate! Simply write down the additions and say, “I’ve added your additions. Let me think about them and I’ll respond to you in _____ hours/ days.” (Be specific here).
You don’t need to own something you didn’t do; however, most of the time a spouse’s additions are valid. If so, confess these additions as well.
Next, don’t forget about praying with your spouse. (That’s the other part of the verse). Taking responsibility for your short comings in an honest and transparent way is a sign of your spiritual growth and maturity. Your spouse will love you more and you will open a huge door for to a happier chapter in your marriage.
If your marriage or other relationship is in crisis, seek out the help of a Professional Christian Counselor at Turning Point Counseling 800 99-TODAY or 800 998-6328
We
do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom
of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. 7 No,
we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God
destined for our glory before time began.
I Corinthians 2:6
It
is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of
faith we also believe and therefore speak
II Corinthians 4:13
On
the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel.
We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.
I Thessalonians 2:4
Jonathan,
David's uncle, was a counselor, a man of insight and a scribe.
I Chronicles 27:32
Ahithophel
was the king's (David's) counselor.
I Chronicles 27:33
"To God belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his.
Job 12:13
And
I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you
forever - the Spirit of truth.
John 14:16-17